dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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