if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize