They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
