Will you blow on my dice?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
