if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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