More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to have your abortion
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
