No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
