the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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