Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
