too bad you live with your parents still
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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