I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
