she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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