Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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