Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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