I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
