Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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