Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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