Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I am full of burrito and curiosity

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(973): View more from New Jersey

My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

(973): View more from New Jersey

That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

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(440): View more from Ohio

New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol

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(304): View more from West Virginia

All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.

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(303): View more from Colorado

who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....

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