The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
