That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
