I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
