I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
