Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
