So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
