We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
