where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
