I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
