Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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