He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
