M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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