You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
