Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
