Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
