I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude. I can hear the air.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
