Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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