He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
