Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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