Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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