i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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