Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
