Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
