woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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