its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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