I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
stop calling my apartment porn island.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
