Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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