my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
