These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
