She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
