Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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