I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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