im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
