I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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