i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize