ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
