Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
