yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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