i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
