Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
