If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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