Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
