So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
