The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
