Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
