well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
