Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
