Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
