his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
