"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
