i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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