drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
