Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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