I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
